... but not because of all the circumstances in my life... but because of my REACTION to all of those things..
You see, last night when I went to tuck the girls in, my 4-year-old looked at me and out of the blue said, "Sorry Mama." Not knowing what she was talking about I asked her why. She couldn't give me a clear reason, but after talking with her for awhile, I realized she was saying it because she thought I was mad at her. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was just so drained from the day, that I couldn't even say "goodnight" or "I love you" joyfully to my children. I felt absolutely awful. That is one of the worst feelings for a parent. I failed as a mom. I may have not yelled or overreacted, but I failed to show them love and how much they mean to me just with the tone of my voice or the dismissiveness in my responses to their questions or requests.
I was so mad at myself. I wanted to go back in time and change my behavior... But all I could do was repent and ask them for their forgiveness. And my amazing kids, being who they are, just looked at me like I was crazy, said "I forgive you. Love you Mama," gave me a hug and went on playing with their toys.
Another lesson learned. They have taught me so much over the years. They've showed me how to love, forgive, extend grace, be grateful, enjoy life and laugh everyday. I'm so thankful for them.
So regardless if I'm having a bad day, I need to remember that there are four sets of eyes watching how I handle things that come my way and are ultimately affected by how I choose to react. So today, and everyday, I'm going to focus on just loving, being joyful and focusing on the blessings in my life rather than the trials..